Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Not really an epiphany or realisation or anything

I think I just realised that I have to admit to myself,
I thrive and live off attention.
Like I can't go a day without some sort of ridiculous attempt to get attention, good, or bad.
I'm not the type to walk around naked, but I say things and do things to get particular reactions, I manipulate and fuck around to get the right amound of attention each day.
It's like a system.
I have an attention seeking daily routine.
Is that not completely ridiculous? Does that make me a bad person?
It's not like I stop other people from getting on the spotlight or hog the stage,
It's just everyday I have to take a certain amount of energy or I crack.
Like now, right now, I have cracked.
I'm actually being very immature, childish, selfish, but in all honesty,
I AM DYING! I have to have a certain amount of attention by particular people or else....
I won't be able to sleep at night or something!
Omg, My life is tragedy times 1000000000.