I Find It Kinda Funny,

I find it kinda sad.
I don't want to be one of those people who 'take the easy way out'.
I don't think that there's a single person in the whole entire world, who hasn't thought, EVEN for a second, that them dying would just be so much easier.
It's is just such a primative thought I have. It's the only way I think anything can be solved.
But i don't be be all mellow dramatic, and all suicide this and what not,
coz to be honest, that is so shit.
I would never do that, I would never have the guts to point something at my face or my chest and shoot.
I would never have the guts to shank myself. That's just balls.
No, since i was 8, after John my father died,  I did wish death upon myself, but not self infliction.

Yeah, since the age of 8 i had wished to be killed by someone else, buy ANYTHING else.
even know I'm 16, twice the age i was back then, and I still wish the same.
I always think about how I wish my mother went crazy and she jsut stabbed me to death, or a random person on the street didn't like the way i looked and just beat me to death.
That's just the way I'd want it. Doing those things on my own, would seem so selfish of me.
Ending my own life myself, people would spite me for it. I would hate that.
If I was attacked or hit by a car, or stabbed to death, atleast it would seem like an accident.
It's so unfair.
Why can't someone want me to die, as much I want to?

At this point,
Im an emo kid, non conforming as can be
should pop into your head.