I don't understand, why?

Another night, I am fueled with liquer.
I always seem to be questioning....
Why I've been put in this position of hatred and love.
Why is it you posses me?
This day, it hurt the most to know that you don't see eye to eye with me.
My friends are all in the backyard consuming every glorious minute after another, while I sit in the lounge room and contemplate where my solace is.
I can't seem to get over it, I try furiously with all my strength to forget the chemistry and the balance, but the thought of us ( or so to say, lack there of ), kills me.
I can't even drink to the point of intoxication because of the emotions I know, will out poor flooding my mind, my friends minds. I don't want them to feel what I feel.
I'd hate for them to look into my eyes and see that the spark has left me,
I'd hate for them to see how much I could sincerly hate myself for my stupid actions.
I wish that I could get over it, Instead of continueing to linger on with the thought of all this shit working out.
But more, I wish with all my heart that you could love me with the enormous warmth I feel.
I wish that you had the longing, like mine, to see me and speak and hold me ( as gross and shit and cliche` as that may sound. )
I wish that out there someone. ANYONE, felt that longing for me.
But that really isn't going to happen is it?
It's okay, I used to being a lonely wreck who despises very inch of me.